Reason for Living
by JJKMagic
Summary: Demyx awakens to the orange sky over Twilight Town but how can that be? And why does this world seem so empty? ZEMYX. YAOI, FLUFF. SLIGHT ANGST.


It's been exactly a year since I seriously wrote anthing! Woohoo!

I don't know if this screams "I'm back, guys!" but I hope so^^

**Dedication:** ArtificialxDisease for helping me! ^_^

**Warning: Slight Angst.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, nor anything else that is owned by Nomura Tetsuya.  
**

* * *

**Afterlife**

It felt like soft rays of the sun were tickling his nose... Like a soft breeze was playing with his hair... and cold stone beneath him.

Not understanding what was going on, he blinked open his eyes and gazed upon an orange sky.

But… how could this be possible?

Wasn't he… dead?

Hadn't he disappeared?

Continuing to stare at the endless sky as if it would know the answer, memories swirled around in his mind, swirling around endlessly just like the sky… until Demyx closed his eyes and opened them again as he sat up.

Where was he, he wondered as he stared at his hands and the brick street beyond.

"What…?" his mind was fuzzy as he moved to stand and take in his surroundings.

_City… dusk… familiar…_

More out of instinct than actually thinking about it, he started walking down the streets in the eternal orange glow that didn't just seem to envelope everything but actually seep into every surface it came into contact with.

Demyx's feet lead him everywhere and yet nowhere. The city looked familiar and the farther he went the more obvious it became… this was the world he knew, this was Twilight Town, small and lively… and yet not.

Not a single bird was singing, not a single living soul around as far as the eye could see.

"Hello? Is anybody here?" he called but his voice sounded weak as it escaped his throat and got lost in its own echo.

"Where the hell is this place?" Demyx muttered.

He had been sent to many worlds but he had never been creeped out like that. There seemed to be no wind at all and even the rays of the sun didn't warm him.

It wasn't cold, it was more like this world was… _empty_.

He had walked far or at least it felt like it as he came to a small strip of beach. Nothing unusual but still completely out of place.

There was one thing he, as a water wielder, knew better than himself and that was his element. But the sight in front of him looked more like a painting than a real landscape.

There was no sound of water.

No waves.

No movement.

Just like stepping in front of an unmoving painting.

"Why?"

Upon dipping his fingers into the water, smallest waves came to life but didn't get far. The sea was dead, the water not even cold, and a black hand came from the nonexistent depths reaching for Demyx.

The blond startled and jumped back as empty eyes stared at him from a formless black face but, within the blink of an eye, the creature disappeared and Demyx was surrounded by the sound of waves in front of a beautiful seascape, the orange sun reflected in each curve of the water.

As normality returned to his surroundings, horror crept into him and he ran but stopped as the shadows of the trees in the far distance played tricks on his mind and his whole body froze.

Turning on his heel, the tormented soul sought refuge in a mindless run through the empty and yet not town. As the shadows he passed darkened, he knew he couldn't be alone, but may those shadows be friend or foe he couldn't care less.

X X X

Everlasting darkness, a constant companion…

The _only _companion Zexion has ever had, or so it seemed.

Surrounded by this impenetrable darkness losing the sense of time was not hard to accomplish.

Opened eyes, closed eyes, it didn't make much of a difference. With eyes adjusted to the darkness the only thing to realize was that there was absolutely nothing to see.

Which Zexion didn't exactly have a problem with, he was a being born form darkness, travelling through darkness only to end in darkness as it seemed.

What else could a Nobody hope for, really? Except for the end of his existence to be less boring?

Zexion was no fool. If he couldn't change anything about his situation there was no need to pointlessly complain about it, not even to think about it although…

Zexion was also known to question his existence, to question the existence of Nobodies.

If this was "death" for Nobodies… where was the point in it? Was his existence alone a sin damned for all eternity?

But if he hadn't been "alive" in life what could death possibly mean to him?

Darkness.

And a lot time to think.

X X X

This world was indeed empty, devoid of any life.

Was there a point in wandering around after realizing this? Perhaps not.

Demyx did not know where he had ended up in the end, just that he had escaped that terrifying town.

With no goal in mind and no place to return to the world seemed endless and strangely pointless.

What had he lived for all this time?

What had been the reason of his life?

What was the reason of him being here, and from now on?

Was there _any reason_?

In a world where no birds sang, where plants existed but did not _live_, where everything was at an eternal standstill.

Caught in a single moment, what is there to drive you? To run away from?

Where those shadows an illusion to begin with? Was this place perhaps naught but an illusion created by the last functioning nerves of his brain?

Or something else Zexion could most likely understand much better than Demyx could.

Zexion.

_Something to drive you…_

It had been a long time since he had thought about the slate-haired bookworm that had always had a place in his nonexistent heart and life.

A sigh escaped the blond's lips at seeing absolutely nothing remarkable as far as the eye could see… and at the thoughts he banned into the back of his mind as he used to for quite a while now.

But… now that the thought had appeared once… how could he ban it?

What else was there, had there _ever been_ in his life?

What was life to a Nobody that could not feel? A being that was affected by cold, heat, wind and rain and yet did not _feel_ anything? It did not make them happy, nor did it cause them grief.

Nobodies were not exactly social either… it was all just… illusion.

So why was it the master of illusion that had always felt the most real to him?

Zexion, the enigma, that never really mingled with the others and yet paid the most attention to manners, a contradiction in itself, possibly the epitome of being a Nobody?

Yes, the bookworm that used to throw around with big words that really weren't needed most of the time.

He brought a smile to Demyx lips even now, after he hadn't seen him for like what felt like an eternity and in this timeless place felt like something that had never really happened.

If this was something like an afterlife… where was the point in it?

X X X

Time didn't matter, nor did fatigue, nor hunger, nor anything else that could possibly be perceived.

Which was something like the ideal situation for a thinker like him but it also had a tendency to boredom.

Zexion had never understood the use for food and sleep before. Of course there was the simple need to stay alive but every other possible meaning it could have had, he realized now.

He, _the loner_, actually missed some company.

Now that he had apparently all the time in the world, or not world, he had no one to share his results with, no one to discuss possibilities, in fact there was absolutely nothing he could do that had any meaning, nothing that had a future.

Why had he died a pointless death like this? Why hadn't that useless Nobody Axel done what he should've done instead of getting in his way?

What for did the redhead disobey if all of them were destined to end like this, surrounded by darkness just like they were born?

It was a good thing Nobodies didn't have to fear the darkness.

Not getting too close to darkness, to be seduced, swallowed by it... nothing a Nobody cared about. Nobodies didn't just originate from darkness, quite likely they were simply a part of it, just a dark reflection of who they once had been.

Nobodies were always lost in darkness, they just didn't notice it, perhaps because they lacked emotion to notice the meaninglessness?

And why did he, Zexion, Number VI, a Nobody like the others, think about all this as if it didn't affect him?

Wasn't he the one swallowed by darkness with no means of escaping?

X X X

It could all just be an illusion…

It could be a trick his mind was playing on him…

But he had seen that place too often, it was too realistic to be nothing but a hallucination created by his tormented mind.

This was _his world_, The World That Never Was, in all its gray, lifeless and empty glory... but for him it meant _home_.

In a world where everything seemed to be frozen, there was nothing less to fear than a place that was known to be lifeless.

And if anything existed in this world that threatened him, he was better off in familiar surroundings.

Suddenly his feet took over and he ran, not out of fear but out of a strange attraction, an indiscernible desire.

This was his world, void of light and sound.

Why was it that he, resident of such a world, was scared by the emptiness _this world_ has confronted him with?

Was he acting uncharacteristically?

He had never been the best model of Nobody. But existence had always been simple to him: you lived and you died and when you died, there was nothing, absolutely nothing left.

That was what he had understood and accepted in his last moments of life.

Yes, he clearly remembered being beaten by the keyblade boy. That should have been his end, encountered in one of the missions that made up his life.

And yet he was here, and no one else.

What was this? Afterlife or a curse?

If only he had been able to meet up with the others. Even if they weren't family, they were the closest that he had to it.

They weren't bad people, they weren't _evil _people just because they didn't have any feelings.

They were misunderstood, probably even by themselves.

Demyx, he… had never felt like a Nobody. He hadn't felt empty, had had no reason to until… Oblivion.

Oblivion had taken everything from him.

That stupid castle and the stupid decision to send out half of the Organization! And that stupid Xemnas that had forbidden him to go...

Why had it been such a long time that he could barely remember when he had last seen Zexion? What his last words had been? What his skin felt like…?

It was all a blur, made worse by all the time Demyx _had tried_ to forget.

But if this was going to be what made up the rest of his existence, he didn't want to forget!

He couldn't forget what had been his reason for living, he had _wanted to be_ his reason for living.

It was everything, everything that had made him feel…

_alive_…

X X X

To live was obviously something relative. To _exist_ was something different. To exist it was not necessary to live.

Because Zexion did exist but he was definitely sure that he did not _live_. As a Nobody he hadn't been sure if he lived but considering it now life was not something that could be defined by itself but by the surrounding elements.

And darkness definitely started to turn into something that was _not_ Zexion's favorite element.

He was someone who enjoyed his peace and quiet, of course he could "survive" the silence for a while.

In fact there was nothing he could do to escape so what else was there but to endure until the end of… time?

X X X

This place was still the same. Probably because there was nothing that could actually be missing.

This place had always been lifeless and it had always bothered Demyx… somehow.

He was an optimistic and adventurous individual. His optimal place for living was lively and colorful but he had lived here and he hadn't complained because what he needed wasn't the _best_, it was just something that could distract him from the _bad_.

He had never needed anything else. Zexion had been everything for him.

Demyx didn't need any useless explanations as to why Zexion was all he had ever needed in his life. He was content with simply accepting that fact. He was content with _Zexion_!

All he had ever wished for, among all the banned memories and thoughts after Zexion's death, was to join him when he died!

The least death could have done for him was free him from the burden of being without him!

What if this thought had been everything that had replaced Zexion as his reason for living?

What was left now? Why couldn't he just sink into a corner and do nothing, not anything, never again, not even feel?

Why wasn't he granted what all other Nobodies already had in life?

He wasn't emotionless! He loved, he mourned and he missed!

What point was there when this was the end?

As if that realization had drained all of his energy, Demyx's legs gave way beneath him and he sank to his knees.

The reason why he had banned these thoughts all this time became painfully obvious.

He couldn't have continued like that, he wouldn't even have come this far… but what for?

Like this, he would have been better off alive. At least he had been able to force himself to find a reason for living.

But now _nothing_ was left.

What was the point in death when he couldn't see his lover again?

What if his slate-haired reason for living had forever disappeared and he had been too stupid to realize, too caught up in self-pity?

He had never thought about a compensatory path to follow, no "Plan B" not to submit to insanity.

"Ze… xy…"

_You're a fool if you believe we have hearts!_

_It may be nonexistent but it still beats for you._

_Demyx…_

…_I love you._

Zexion knowing everything and still denying what could not be explained by logic and Zexion confessing his feelings and on rare occasions even smiling, they were both parts of the person he had fallen in love with.

Because it did not matter what Zexion said as long as he was there!

Only as long as he was there, Demyx had a reason to be as well!

"I just want my Zexion back!"

_Selfish _and yet it was just one small wish. To have or to forever forget the only thing he had ever wanted and needed.

But if this world was empty of life and reason, there was no reason for his words to echo only from farther ahead.

And yet, what reason could there be for the echo to sound from behind? There was no way back, all that was left was to keep going forward.

Demyx's legs continued on their way ahead.

There was no point in going, nor was there in stopping, nor in turning a corner that looked exactly like the others.

But something was different. How far had he gone already? Was this even his world anymore?

He had never seen this part of town, the end of the eternal unlived-in skyscrapers, less oppressive but in now way not less empty.

But for a strange reason Demyx could imagine the sun actually rising here someday... which was impossible but still strangely calming.

This existence could start looking brighter from now on, with everything sorted out, and nothing left to lose except _sanity_.

And then there was a flash of slate.

"Zexion?"

X X X

Zexion had stopped thinking. As far as that was possible.

He had always preferred a state of rest over sleeping. Which was a benefit now even if people had complained about it earlier.

He was not someone who enjoyed wasting time, neither for eating nor sleeping.

He could spend his whole day, his whole life, thinking.

Now, that there was no point in that anymore, he noticed how pointless that hobby was.

Hobbies in general most likely. If only something would last… like music.

Music was something that existed both outside and inside the mind.

It seemed pointless to think about it now but even as music fades away it still remains in the mind.

_Pathetic_.

Music had no deeper meaning.

But then why did he use to enjoy it?

It had been a part of his life, hadn't it?

Was he about to forget something important?

_Zexion._

That was his name. It had no meaning anymore.

_Zexion._

And yet… it was not right to forget it, was it?

_Zexion!_

Someone used to call him by that name… almost obtrusively so.

_Open your eyes!_

Open…?

X X X

It could have been an illusion, a hallucination.

It could still be a nightmare, a curse…

But it was definitely that pale tone of skin and the same slate-colored hair covering most of the male's soft features.

This was not a shadow, nor just another meaningless part of this world.

"Zexion," Demyx whispered carefully soft, stroking the soft, familiar strands of hair, as if afraid of breaking something incredibly fragile.

The feeling was addictive just as seeing his lover again after all those months, all this _pain_.

"Zexion, you can hear me, can't you?" he continued whispering, not knowing if the male could indeed hear him, not knowing _anything_.

"You're not… gone, are you?"

The body in front of him was not going to break, nor would it vanish but it wasn't about to respond either.

"What has happened to you?"

X X X

_You're not injured, are you?_

He had never remembered Demyx's voice that clearly before.

No, it had been that long that he had almost completely forgotten it.

_You're just as beautiful as ever._

… that however he had not forgotten.

Demyx was the only one who had the immodesty of calling Zexion "beautiful".

To the things Zexion definitely knew belonged that he was in no way _beautiful_.

That idiot Demyx had the weirdest imaginations.

_You're okay, aren't you?_

But what was this anyway?

A memory?

No, he didn't remember Demyx ever asking that. The blond always used to worry about him but he never expressed this feeling despite it being visible in his oceanic blue eyes.

_I need you more than ever before… Please return to me?_

… Return.

Yes, he had never returned. He had forgotten about that.

Was Demyx still angry with him, wherever he was now?

It had not been Zexion's decision but he had accepted it and there was nothing he could have done to return home in the end.

He had disappointed Demyx...

No… he had… betrayed him.

X X X

"Zexy?" As the nickname rolled off his tongue, his voice broke.

"You can't leave me! Not after I have finally found you again…"

But the body in his arms did not move, did not react to his words.

That wasn't what he wanted!

Yes, after he had first heard of Zexion's death he had wished to see him one last time…

But not now.

All there was left, all there had ever been…

"Zexy…"

It was a deafening silence following his voice drained of energy.

Despite what people may think silence _could break hearts_, silence _could kill_.

Just that there was nothing left to kill.

Silence resided in this world like a rule. Time did not move.

Nor did his nonexistent heart, no... it was beating rapidly.

Or not at all.

But Demyx was about to panic.

X X X

_You're still here, aren't you?_

Silence? What is silence?

It was almost as if Zexion had company again. Demyx's voice sounded as if he would be talking directly to him, just what he said didn't make any sense.

_You can't possibly have left this place…_

This place? _What_ place?

He couldn't possibly know anything about this darkness. Demyx didn't deserve a place like this.

No, Demyx would never endure a place like this.

But then… this couldn't be… something that had happened after his death?

Should he be forced to listen to Demyx breaking apart?

He would not listen.

When he had entered this place he had imagined it far too often...

He had seen the tears… and felt his own nonexistent roll down his face…

X X X

It was just like Demyx not to notice the crucial.

It was silent, this world did not move and since the hallucination at the sea he had not heard anything, but he did hear something now.

It had not made sense to him at first but nothing about this world made any sense.

Him being here did not make any sense and Zexion's state even less.

But Demyx did breathe. He used air to whisper and speak just like he had always done.

He _breathed_.

And so did Zexion.

Whatever it was that kept the smaller male unconscious, it was not his body but his mind.

So, after Demyx regained some of his remaining composure he continued talking.

It wasn't anything really meaningful… but since Zexion also didn't react to his touch or to being shaken, that was all he could do.

X X X

_Have you been like this since you came here?_

Came here? Did Demyx know anything about this place?

Was Demyx really talking to him?

Was this not just some strange hallucination? No memory?

_It must be quite boring._

True. There was nothing left to do, left to think about.

No reason.

_That's just like you though. Lazy as always. If others wouldn't annoy you, you wouldn't move all day._

There was no need to! All he needed could be found in books or a professional conversation with his fellow scientists and what was needed for that was quiet, so preferably he would just stay in the library or the lab all day.

_But it's really not much I ask of you today. Please just… open your eyes_.

An long forgotten warmth flooded his body and Zexion raised his fingers to his tingling lips.

It had been a long time...

The feeling of being kissed…

_Open my…?_

The darkness faded and with its oppressive atmosphere the weight that had weighed down Zexion's body the whole time disappeared.

As he opened his eyes after months of darkness he was blinded by oceanic blue eyes as he woke to find his head pillowed in his lover's lap.

And he smiled, faintly but without any mean to stop himself.

"Demyx, how did you get here?"

Tears rolled down the blond's face but he said: "It doesn't matter. Not as long as you are here."

X X X

"What is this place?" Zexion asked as he looked upon a world that looked just like the one he was used to and yet somehow was different.

"You have really never seen it before? Have you seriously slept all this time?" Demyx asked jokingly but without the necessary joy to sound convincing.

"I haven't been sleeping…"

"I haven't been able to find a single living soul around."

Zexion looked at the suddenly serious blond and thought.

He was getting tired of thinking though. "We're not exactly living either," he added simply.

"What is this place, Zexy?"

"I don't know."

"Then this really can't be the real world if the all-knowing Zexion does not know it," Demyx declared, some of his ease returned.

For a while silence resided even between the two of them as they gazed upon an unmoving landscape, a place that equaled neither life nor death.

Zexion only heard a sob before the blond suddenly pressed their bodies together, burying his head in the smaller male's chest.

"I missed you so!"

Zexion returned the awkward hug, nuzzling his chin into almost forgotten blond locks.

"I missed you too."

A silent tear rolled down his face. "Yes, " he said with weakening voice, "I never regretted dying a pointless death, I regretted never being able to see your face again..."

"You're so stupid, Zexy!" Demyx complained into Zexion's coat.

But the slate-haired male smiled, silently taking in his lover's embarrassment.

"Then this is our so called second chance, right?"

"You bet!" Demyx agreed straightening himself, his eyes puffy, his cheeks red.

"This was the reason I could keep on living," he said strongly as he stared into deep blue eyes, knowing that the path he had chosen had been the right one in the end.

* * *

**I'm partially really nervous how this turned out...  
**

**Please review and tell me what you think!  
**


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